It’s been a crazy week.. Savannah started pre-school and the boys went back to college. Savannah’s first week was not a complete success she cried when I dropped her off and was crying when I picked her up.. Although they did say she used the potty at school so it wasnt a complete fail. I know this is tough for her right now but I do believe it will be great for her in the long run.
Justin is back in school and doing well I can’t believe it’s his junior year. Time flies.. Jordan is starting his sophomore year and as reluctant as he was to go back the first week for him was a lot better than he anticipated.
I am a very affectionate person and I love to express my appreciation and love with hugs and I love you’s. Before Savannah came along my affections went to my stepson’s. I have known these boys for most of their life and I love them as if they were my own. But having step-children is not always easy. I always wanted to make them feel comfortable in an uncomfortable situation. I never tried to fill their mom’s shoes and never over stepped my boundaries. So saying I love you never came easy for us. I think we all wanted to say it but didn’t want to make the other person feel obligated to have to respond. There is nothing worse than telling someone you love them and they say Thank You.. AWKWARD..lol So we expressed our love with just hugs and kisses and be safe’s..
So many times after Jeff and I got married we would be sitting in the living room and the boys would leave or go up to bed and say “goodnight dad love you”.. I was like HELLO… I needs some love too.. But I didn’t push it. Because it needed to come from the heart and not be solicited.
I have tried to show the boys how much I love them by volunteering at their school events. Making breakfast for a house full of boys or just listening to what they have to say. Justin is a little more reserved and Jordan is more open to affection. I remember the first time Jordan told me he loved me. My heart swelled. Justin on the other hand took a little longer and I think it was because we were both waiting for the other to say it first.
Over the summer Justin dated this girl and she and I were chatting one day about the boys and I expressed to her how much I cared for them and wanted to tell Justin I loved him but didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable. Her response shocked me. She said he says the same thing about you. Wow I thought. How silly. I can’t believe I have let all this time go afraid to share my feelings with someone who feels the same way. And from that point on we said it. And it was easy and it felt good.
Now fast forward to Savannah. She has really brought us closer as a family. It’s like we all just fit together now all th e awkwardness that I felt before with the boys is gone. She has taught me how to Love them easy. She is truly a gift from God. Today we were hanging out and playing in the living room. She and I were on the floor and Jeff was in his chair. I was tickling her under her chin and every time I stopped she would say “get me mommy get me mommy”. So of course I responded with more tickles anything to hear her laugh. My favorite sound. So as we were playing she took a breath in between her tickles and said it. “I love you mommy” and she wrapped her arms around my neck and gave me a big hug. My heart melted.. The unsolicited I love you. The I love you that comes from the heart. The I love you that comes naturally and easy. The I love you that you can’t wait to hear from your child. It is a day I will never forget.
So LOVE your children. Hug them and tell them you love them all the time their response may surprise you.